Growgaine

Grass is a funny thing. It grows well where it is most unwelcome, such as among roses and other flowers, between stones in a patio, in a vegetable garden, in the lawn of someone who hasn't fertilized or groomed this lawn since 1998. It grows less enthusiastically where it is most wanted.

I have an elderly lawn, so this fact along with a decade of stronger drought may explain the larger sparse or flat-out bare spots. I only know that my lawn and I have an uneasy relationship. I dream of rippling blue-green barefoot turf of Kentucky Blue Grass, with the obligatory future Triple Crown winners galloping and snorting in the distance. Okay, scratch the horses; my lawn is not that big and I can't afford to keep horses. (Perhaps a chicken or two.) My lawn is also not The Right Color.

I don't live in Kentucky, perhaps that's the problem.This is what happens when people are brainwashed into growing a grass that doesn't like high, dry climates where water is scarce and expensive. (And by the way, to all the developers who keep building houses despite facts and common sense about water, and all the fine city planning officials who are either too greedy or comatose to stop them, a big THANK YOU. But don't get me started.)

My revelation for the day is this: I need to invent a product like Rogaine for grass. I've tested numerous re-seed and plant-anywhere-and-grow grass repair products, and nothing works for long. However, a nice Rogaine-like product sprayed all over the lawns, with a light massage afterward should yield results.

It's either Growgraine, or I cultivate half the lawn to a height of 2 feet and comb it over the bald spots. (This might trump everything else.)